


The Tale of Two Packages

by kellegirl



Category: RPF - Fandom
Genre: Crack, M/M, Porn, Weird, mailroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellegirl/pseuds/kellegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>UPS/Fed-ex porn.  Yeah, that's pretty much it.  Really cracky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tale of Two Packages

Fred gazed longingly across the mail room, eyes drawn to the simple brown package. He knew he shouldn't look, shouldn't covet the other package as he did, but he couldn't help himself. The UPS box was simply too stunning to ignore, his strong, firm sides undented and pristine, his mailing address perfectly legible. Fred wanted him, wanted him badly. Yet he knew it would never come to be, for Fred was bedecked in the Fed-Ex emblem, a package from UPS would never want him.

Glancing around, Fred realized none of the other packages were paying attention and quickly gathered his nerve. He had to try, he wouldn't be able to bare it if he was shipped out without at least attempting to meet the gorgeous package across the room. Stealthily, Fred hopped onto the mail cart, using the momentum from the jump to make it glide across the room. His cart bumped into the table that the UPS package rested upon and he quickly approached his target.

"Hello," Fred ventured, his voice quavering slightly.

Slowly the other package glanced at him, taking in his mailing address and company logo briefly. "Hey," the package greeted, "What are you doing over here? You'll end up in the wrong state if you don't stay with your group."

"I…I just wanted to come over and meet you," Fred shifted uncomfortably, "I really like your box, it's so structurally sound."

"Thanks…" the package said slowly, "I'm Bob by the way."

"I'm Fred."

An awkward silence fell over the pair as they glanced around themselves. "You really shouldn't be over here," Bob murmured, "What if the other packages saw us? UPS and Fed-Ex boxes don't usually intermingle."

"Would it really matter?" Fred asked, glancing at Bob sideways.

"Not to me," Bob admitted, "But the others may not be so forgiving."

"It's not like we're doing anything wrong," Fred reasoned, slowly inching his way closer to Bob, "We're just talking after all. No harm in that."

"But we're from competing companies…"

"I don't mind…do you?" Fred breathed, so close to Bob that their addresses were nearly touching.

Bob felt his breath catch as he gazed at the other package, so close it was as if they were shoved in the same mail bag together. He couldn't stop himself if he tried, the urge was too strong, and he smashed their postages together in a heated kiss. Fred groaned as Bob pressed into him, their mailing addresses rubbing against one another tantalizingly.

"Please," Fred moaned, "We don't have much time, I want to be with you before I'm overnighted."

"Yes," Bob hissed, "I want to feel you, I want to be in you."

Fred groaned at the proclamation and without a thought bent forward, showing Bob the gap in his packaging tape. "Put it in me!" he declared, desperate to feel the other within him.

Growling at the wonton sight of the other package, Bob wasted no time in inserting his box flap into the opening. Fred groaned as he was stretched, Bob was so big! The pair set a fast pace, the realization that they had little time left hanging over them. Their passion grew with each thrust, the sound of slapping cardboard filling the air and their gasps of pleasure echoing loudly through the otherwise silent mail room. With a cry of ecstasy Fred reached his peak, his spasms of pleasure sending Bob over the edge with him. Laying in the after glow of their love making, the pair failed to hear the ominous footsteps approaching them.

"Hey," a voice boomed, "What's this package doing over here?"

Bob gasped as Fred was ripped from his side, the hands of the mailman wrapping fully around Fred's form. He could do nothing to protest as his new found love was taken away from him, never to be seen again as he was sent off to his final destination.


End file.
